Have you ever said to someone, “I am drawing a boundary here.” The word “boundary” is being used more often. In the past, this was a term mainly used in therapeutic settings, but that is changing–and that’s great! Boundaries need to be discussed; they are a way of protecting ourselves physically and emotionally. There are even different types of boundaries like, rigid and porous. Rigid boundaries are often impermeable, meaning little information goes in or out. Individuals with rigid boundaries often have difficulty asking for help and often distance themselves from others. Some individuals have porous boundaries, meaning they have difficulty saying “no” to others and tend to overshare information. Lastly, healthy boundaries involve someone communicating their needs and does not compromise their values for others. Do you feel like you fall under one of these categories or all the above? Most people have a mixture of all three boundary types, which can change over time. As a matter of fact, boundaries can change over time, even in the same relationship. You may be saying to yourself, this sounds great, but how do I set healthy boundaries?
Begin by thinking about where you would like to see healthier boundaries for yourself. There are different areas to create boundaries; they can be made emotionally, physically, materially, and even intellectually. Boundaries are usually connected to a value we hold true. For example, an employee that declines an employer’s request for work outside of their regularly scheduled hours, likely values work/life balance. Therefore, take an inventory of what your values are in personal and professional relationships. Next, think about how you will implement your boundaries. Clearly communicate your boundaries, don’t feel like you have to over explain yourself or justify every boundary. Finally, outline the ramifications if your boundaries are crossed. Some folks have difficulty setting their own boundaries and/or receiving another’s boundaries because sometimes, we associate the word “boundary” with the word “no.” Here is a disclaimer–not everyone is going to understand your boundaries, and that is okay! While boundary setting takes work, there are benefits to be found once we set those boundaries. Listed below are a few examples of positive outcomes from boundary setting:
- Emotional health
- Improved mental health outcomes
- Strengthened sense of autonomy
- Development of identity
- Helps to combat burnout
It can be tempting to ignore our boundaries because we are afraid of losing a relationship, we feel guilty or believe the person will be mad at us. The best way to address this is to simply practice! Boundary setting can feel daunting, especially if we have little practice setting them.
Keep practicing!
References
LCMHC, K. V., MA. (2022, December 8). 20 Group Therapy Activities for Setting
Boundaries. TherapyByPro. https://therapybypro.com/20-group-therapy-activities-for-
setting-boundaries/
Ph.D, J. N. (2018, January 5). How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive
setting-healthy-boundaries/#boundaries
What are Personal Boundaries? (n.d.).
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